A troubled teen girl tells the story of her journey
By anyone’s standards, sixteen year-old Dennett’s life was out of control. She was locked in the mental ward of a Maryland hospital, where the emergency room crisis counselor sent her after she threatened to kill her parents. It was either that or jail, so an unrepentant Dennett allowed herself to be committed, hoping to score enough prescription medicine to continue her addicted lifestyle.
Things had been spiraling downward for a year, ever since Dennett made what she now calls “the worst decision of my life.” In one night, the adopted daughter of Baptist ministers got drunk and tried drugs for the first time. And in those lowest, most self-destructive of acts, Dennett thought she found a few hours of escape from the emotional issues that plagued her.
Dennett never felt like she fit in. Making friends seemed harder for her than for other children. Her emotions controlled her; she was hyper one minute and viciously angry the next. Rejection crushed her, whether it came from an elementary school playmate or from a God she thought didn’t make her good enough to live up to her own expectations. She was a mistake, she thought, and after a distant cousin committed suicide she became obsessed with thoughts of death and dying, believing that she wasn’t worthy to live.
In eighth grade, Dennett met a group of kids who welcomed her and made her feel like part of a clique. She didn’t care that they used drugs and even sold them. When they invited her to a party, she willingly went along, ready to try whatever they gave her in order to be accepted.
Three months after her first experience with marijuana, Dennett was a mess. She did some kind of drug every day, from pot to pills to whatever she could find in the medicine cabinet. Getting high took over her life; she craved the next experience even when she had just taken something. She sold drugs and her own body to pay for her habit. “I couldn't go to sleep at night without drugs. I couldn't stay awake without drugs. I couldn't do anything without drugs. I was trying to hide so much and mask so much pain through partying. It was all so tiring,” she remembers now.
Thoughts of death continued to plague her, and Dennett choices often put her own life at risk. One day, Dennett and her friends skipped school, got high, and went for a drive. The guy who was driving her car swerved into oncoming traffic and hit another vehicle head on. Dennett was so badly injured in the crash that she had to be taken to the hospital in a helicopter. After a long and painful stay in the hospital, Dennett came home even more addicted to narcotics. She went right back to skipping school and driving under the influence.
After the accident, Dennett’s behavior rapidly outpaced even her drug-dealing friends. When she was drunk or high, her anger poured out and she would cry for hours, threatening to kill herself and anyone around her. She started to fantasize about killing other people as well as herself, and found escape in the horrible images that filled her mind.
Finally, Dennett’s parents took action. They overheard her talking on the phone about her death wishes, and how she wanted to “slaughter” them. Frightened and overwhelmed, they confronted her, but she pushed them away in a rage. She dared them to send her away, to call the police to report what they’d heard. Instead, Dennett’s parents took her to the emergency room and then to a mental ward. She fought back the entire time and counted down the days and hours until she could go back to her drug-fueled life.
But Dennett’s parents wouldn’t let her continue her self-destruction. When they picked her up from the hospital, they told her that she wouldn’t be coming home. Instead, she would travel halfway across the country to a residential program in Wyoming for girls, called Trinity Teen Solution. It was a last-ditch effort to help Dennett get her life together.
Trinity brings troubled girls together from across the country, and through intense counseling and outdoor activity, guides them toward spiritual and physical healing. The days are long, full of group activities, ranch chores, school, and personal therapy. It was a dramatic difference from Dennett’s self-destructive suburban lifestyle. And though she didn’t know it right away, it was exactly what she needed.
For the first five months, Dennett refused to let the concern of the center’s staff touch her damaged soul. She dreamt about her old life and lashed out at anyone who tried to reach her. Physical withdrawal from drugs was nothing compared to her deep sense of self-hatred that manifested in homicidal rage.
But God removed Dennett from all of her old vices and escapes for a reason. The structure of the program and the constant examples of God’s love carved new channels into her soul. And one night, after a long day of physical work and an unwelcome run up the hill from the barns to her cabin, Dennett collapsed physically and emotionally. She remembers what happened next this way:
“I was furious [about having to run], and I was thinking how dumb I was for getting so furious over running… and I hated myself for it. So I was running and crying and thinking about so much stuff... and when I got to the top [of the hill] I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't keep up with so much hate, and I broke down. I decided that maybe everyone there was right, and God was the only way. Maybe I should stop shunning him and give him a chance.”
Dennett lay on the ground outside her cabin, and for the first time since her life started to spiral out of control, she prayed. Over and over she cried out “I’m sorry” as she laid her past behavior and mistakes at Jesus’ feet. As burdens were lifted, Dennett’s head came up off the ground, and she decided to take a step toward healing. After fighting her counselors for months and her parents for years, Dennett decided to try things their way.
For the next thirteen months of the Trinity Teen program, Dennett committed to tell the truth more, and to listen more. She opened up to her therapist and took her assignments for spiritual growth and healing more seriously. It wasn’t an overnight change – she still struggled with anger and could lash out without warning. But over time, God worked on her soul. Her hate was replaced by His love, and by the time she graduated from Trinity, she could hold her head up and announce that she was loved.
“God has completely forgiven me,” she enthusiastically reports with a smile. “I never thought it was possible. But I learned about who God truly is, and I learned how to repent. The first time I ever felt God's forgiveness I could have been the happiest person in the world. I felt so much joy and peace I could barely contain myself. It felt like heaven on earth.”
A year later, Dennett is living with her parents in Maryland, working at a veterinary hospital and volunteering for her church. Her life is completely changed, a testimony to what God can do even when things seem out of control.
D.L Abingdon, MD |
