Sexual-Abuse Predators

Dear Angie,

My husband and I just found out that our neighbor has been molesting our ten-year-old daughter for the past year. Not only am I outraged, but my trust has been destroyed. I never imagined that someone so close to our family could do such a thing, and I’m finding it hard to move forward. How could I have known, and is there anything I can do to make sure this never happens again?

Enraged – St. Paul, Minnesota

Dear Enraged,

Discovering that your child has been violated in such a way is every parent’s nightmare. You may feel as though you’ve failed your daughter, but there was nothing you could’ve done.

The fact is that most sexual abuse is committed against someone the perpetrator knows, is close to. Of the sexual-abuse cases at Trinity Teen Solutions, 80 percent were conducted by older brothers, while 10 percent took place at the hands of distant family members such as uncles and cousins. In such instances, not only is the victim easily accessible, but a mutual trust is established between the two. This is especially true regarding child victims, as youth are more vulnerable and easily swayed by the adults in their lives.

“If you love me, you’ll keep our secret.”

“You don’t want to get me into trouble, do you?”

These are just some examples of pedophile guilt trips. In many cases, they work to keep the abuse hidden for months, maybe even years.

As I said before, you must not blame yourself. It is important, however, that you know how to spot a pedophile before more damage is done. Here are some surefire ways to do so.

Monitor the person’s behavior…and not just with your child. If you see an adult acting too intimately with any child, a red flag should go up. Inappropriate behavior can include anything from tickling to obsessively staring.

Childlike adults have a tendency to be sexual predators. Don’t point fingers at the “young at heart,” but if an adult spends more time with the kids than the grownups, something’s wrong.

Presents are a tell-tale sign that an adult may have inappropriate intentions for your child. If it’s not your child’s birthday, and if your permission was not asked for, that adult is up to something.

Encouraging your child to break your rules is another habit of pedophiles. Curfews, prohibited places, and other guidelines are set in place to keep the child safe, and anyone who convinces them otherwise has bad intentions in mind.

Too much interest in your child’s life is another sign of possible pedophilia. It’s one thing to ask how your child’s doing in school; it’s another thing to want to know if they need help studying.

At the end of the day, all you’ve got to go by is your gut. That, coupled with smarts and a love for your daughter, will be enough to ensure this never happens again.

All the best,

Angie

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Angie Woodward is a Registered Nurse in Wyoming and is the founder and owner/director of Trinity Teen Solutions, Inc. TTS is a licensed Christian Residential Treatment center for troubled teen girls, young adult women, and their families. Call 307-645-3384 for a free consultation

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