Is Your Teen Daughter Choosing the Wrong Friends?

The teen years are all about self discovery, part of which involves making new friends. And while it’s normal and healthy for teenagers to expand their social circle, what should parents do when bad influences enter their child’s life?

On one hand, parents can look the other way, thereby evading an emotional outburst from their teen daughter. On the other hand, parents can lay down the law…and create a slew of other problems. Neither solution sounds appropriate, does it? Isn’t there any in between?

The answer is yes.

Be the parent, not the best friend.

First things first…recognize your role as the parent. Too many parents are busy trying to be their child’s best friend, and they’re doing so at the expense of discipline. The truth is that every child (regardless of age) craves rules and boundaries, and they look to their parents for it. The sooner you recognize your authority, the better you’ll be able to monitor your teen’s friendships.

Get to know your child’s friends.

Just as your teen craves boundaries, he or she also takes cues from you on the company they keep. If you don’t bother to learn the names of your teen’s friends, then the takeaway is that you don’t care who they hang out with. Meet your child’s friends and parents. Invite them over for dinner, or let them spend the night. On a similar note, if your teen’s friends refuse to meet you, consider that a red flag.

Don’t judge a book by its cover – but remember that the cover can tell you a lot about what’s inside.

Just because a kid has purple hair and a nose ring does not mean he’s bad. Looks can be deceiving, and for this reason, it’s important that you acquaint yourself with your teen’s friends. Use your gut (not your eyes) when evaluating their quality.

That said if your teen daughter suddenly starts hanging around with a crowd sporting tattoos, piercings and purple hair you should definitely get involved. Find out who the kids are; who are their parents? Are they involved in their children’s lives?

Keep in mind also that the risk of judgments based on appearance often swings the other way. The clean-cut boy from the rich family at the country club might be doing drugs and sexually active. In either case, you must be alert.

Open up to your kids.

Don’t be shy…tell your teen daughter a bit about your past. Mention the bad choices you made, as well as the lessons you learned. You don’t need to tell her every bad thing you ever did, but sometimes opening up about overcoming difficult situations will allow your teen to appreciate the fact that you really do understand what she’s going through. Not only will you strengthen your relationship, but she’ll also be more likely to share her life with you.

Summary

Remember that your teen looks to your for guidance, even if she acts otherwise. By remaining patient but authoritative, you will ensure that your teenager makes the right choices in friends and in life.

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Angie Woodward is a Registered Nurse in Wyoming and is the founder and owner/director of Trinity Teen Solutions, Inc. TTS is a licensed boarding school for troubled teens. Call 307-645-3384 for a free consultation.

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