Is your child being sexually abused?

How to ask your child about sexual abuse.

There is no stronger bond than that between a child and its parent. Part of this bond is an instinct – a “gut feeling” – when something is troubling that child.

Maybe their personality has changed from joyful to reclusive. Perhaps they no longer enjoy the activities they once took part in. Or possibly their dress, eating habits, and dialog is now different. Whatever the case, the child you once knew is gone, and you want to know why. And while you dread the thought, you can’t help but wonder if someone has harmed them.

You wonder if they’ve been sexually abused.

This is the most vicious of crimes, in that it damages the innermost part of a person…their spirit. Its victims become overwhelmed by guilt and shame, and as a result, they hide their affliction from the people who can help them. Their signs of turmoil, however, are not completely invisible.

If you suspect your child has been sexually abused, go with those suspicions and ask. The following is a step-by-step guide to starting and getting the most out of that conversation.

Choose your environment when discussing sexual abuse.

Pick a place where you know your child is most at ease, preferably in your home. As the topic is uncomfortable for both of you, it would be ideal to exclude any other individuals from the conversation.

Be honest about why you are talking with them about sex abuse.

Your child said or did something to concern you, so ask them about it, and use specifics. For example, “Your teacher said you’re afraid to undress in gym class,” and go from there. Asking a child if he or she is okay will get you nowhere, so get straight to the point.

Choose your words when talking about sexual predators.

If speaking to a young child, don’t ask if someone has been “hurting” them, as they might misinterpret the word to mean hitting or pinching. Ask if someone has been touching them in ways that make them feel uncomfortable.

Eliminate secrets and let your child know he or she can talk to you.

It’s not uncommon for sexual predators to coax their victims into keeping the abuse a secret. Speak calmly and tenderly to your child, and remind them that they can tell you anything.

If the conversation hits a dead end, don’t completely dismiss your hunches. What’s important is that you laid the foundation for a safe, open dialog with your child. When they’re ready, they’ll know that they can come to you with anything.

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Angie Woodward is a Registered Nurse in Wyoming and is the founder and owner/director of Trinity Teen Solutions, Inc. TTS is a licensed Christian Residential Treatment center for at risk teen girls, young adult women, and their families. Call 307-645-3384 for a free consultation

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