My Teen’s Reaction to Divorce
Dear Angie,
As I’m writing this, my husband of twenty years and I are in the process of divorcing. We’ve tried everything, including couples counseling, but it seems we’re no longer able to live together.
We have a fifteen-year-old daughter, and she’s not handling the divorce very well. Ever since we broke the news to her, she’s become distant. I fear she may soon grow depressed. Is there anything we can do to help her through this transition?
Desperate – Atlanta, GA
photo by antonychammond
Dear Desperate,
You’re right to be concerned. The teenage years are a roller-coaster ride of emotions without divorce, much less with it. But with some patience and preparation, you can make this transition easier for your daughter.
First things first…remain available to your teen. It’s not uncommon for divorcing parents to juggle their daily lives with the split, forgetting about their child. For this reason, it’s crucial that you carve out time for your teen each day. Use this time to listen and answer any questions she might have.
Second, work with your ex-spouse to keep life consistent for your teen. In other words, maintain the same rules and boundaries for both his house and yours. Life is challenging enough for a teen being juggled between parents, so try to create some stability.
Third, do not force your daughter to choose between you and your ex. This sounds obvious, but you’d be amazed at how many parents are immature in this regard. Remember that you are a parent, first and foremost. Under no circumstances should you turn your child into a spy or messenger for your ex.
Finally, lead by example. Whether or not they admit it, children model what they see in their parents. That being said, if you demonstrate resilience in the face of your divorce, your daughter will be better able to do the same. If you need counseling to help you in this, then get some.
With a few deep breaths, some love and some patience, you can make this transition easier for your teen and your entire family.
-Angie
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Angie Woodward is a Registered Nurse in Wyoming and is the founder and owner/director of Trinity Teen Solutions, Inc. TTS is a licensed boarding school for troubled teens. Call 307-645-3384 for a free consultation.
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