Make Your Adopted Child’s Transition Easier

Dear Angie,

After years of prayer, thought, and preparation, my husband and I are about to bring home our adopted child. I’m very nervous, as I’ve never adopted before, and I was wondering if there is anything I can do to make this child’s transition easier.

Nervous but Excited – Miami, FL

Dear Nervous,

First, let me congratulate and thank you on your choice to adopt. There are few things in life more precious and selfless than opening your home to a child in need. I commend you.

While I understand that you and your husband have spent a great deal of time trudging through the adoption process, this child has not. Therefore, before you do anything, you must accept the fact that this change is very sudden and huge for the child you’re bringing home. Most foster children have spent their entire lives in orphanages, and they have no reference point for what a family truly is. This transition requires patience and understanding.

Don’t be surprised if the child reacts differently than you envisioned. The change is dramatic, no matter how you slice it. Also, realize that children are taught “survival skills” in orphanages that don’t assimilate well in traditional, American homes.

Consider the following:

•    Orphanages are institutions, and they create submissive and dominant roles that may contribute to a child’s passive or aggressive behavior.
•    Children who were forced to grow up fast, or who raised their younger siblings will have a hard time allowing you to parent them.
•    Orphanages run on routine, making it hard for some kids to accept transitions.
•    Orphanages determine when children sleep, eat, play, etc. Adopted children may have difficulty regulating their own actions.
•    Children who’ve been passed around among foster homes may suffer from attachment disorders.
•    Almost all foster children were raised with few personal possessions, so the concept of ownership will be new and strange to them.

The most important thing to remember when bringing your adopted child home is to be flexible mentally, emotionally, and physically. In these situations, love is not enough…you must also possess time and patience. If you do, I promise that you’ll one day have the family you’ve always dreamed of.

Good luck!

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